My New Year's Resolution Goal.

 This post is going to be a bit depressing and maybe a bit too black and white, but right now that is how things are for me at the current moment and I am not in a position to be too dreamy or unrealistic and look at things with a rose tinted viewpoint. My New Year's resolutions are to finally have a true life partner, and to finally be financially secure and debt free by end of 2014. What do I want and need from this life partner? Someone who can be beside me through everything and help me lead a mature, responsible, stable home and family life and have real love in his heart and soul for us, and whatever else we might share, and not back out or turn away. Someone who can stand behind me and support me emotionally and psychologically in my goals and decisions no matter if he disagrees or agrees. Someone who can stand and fight for and defend what we have and share, and be strong and resilient when the days come that I have taken on more than I should and I just cant do things on my own. Someone I can really truly bond with on all those important levels that can really understand and knows the real me inside and out, that can feel what I feel and see what I see and know who I am and who I am not, and not try to make me into something or someone I am not because that is what he wants of me. I have never truly had this one thing happen for me and All Higher Powers know that this is what I wish for most. I think I may already have this type of person in my life but I have not exactly been told or shown a rock solid clarified "yes" or "no" yet so I am waiting to see how that might or might not end up. The status of that situation is somewhat complicated and there are some issues to work out on both of our ends before anything can move forward or become anything more than what it currently is at the moment. 

For every great positive wonderful thing happening in that situation there are just as many if not more, unresolved and unstable issues that need to be fixed and worked around before anything can truly blossom into something even remotely permanent or semi permanent. I have to be content with what is there or have nothing. One major slip up or damaging problem could send it all down the drain whether or not that might be what we would want and I fear that possibility with a passion because that is not what I want to see happen. I have to leave this one with the God and Goddess and allow it to be what it will or will not be. No matter what my heart wants, needs, or desires or no matter what he may or may not think or feel, or what he may or may not want to see for us, that does not mean either of us will actually have or obtain it exactly as we might wish for.     

 

The other resolution? I just want this weight of constant financial strife and burden to lighten up, I'm sick and tired of struggling dollar to dime just to get by and having to always rely on others in some way to keep helping me pay bills and keep me and my little family afloat because that is not who I am inside. I was not raised to be dependent and overly reliant on anyone unless I couldn't avoid it!  I'm tired of getting a job and then having to give it up for what reason or another and it be weeks and months before something else comes along. I have not had a 40 hour a week steady job for 4 months now and that is starting to grind hard on me. I am currently a single parent and head of house and sole provider to everything that comes and goes here. As of this writing I am literally down to the change in my wallet broke. I'm in a moderate amount of debt, a lot more than I ever should have been to start with, most of that debt has been incurred for the fact I was trying to get myself ahead and do the right things for my life and I fell behind because I couldn't keep it up myself anymore. Most of the debt is overdue bills, credit payments, and a small schooling tuition, that I have to have  that tuition paid and my exams done before March 2014 or they will cancel my enrollment and I will not get my certificate and the stressful part of that is I have a 94%  average in my field of study and I am set to have a Honors Certificate. The total of my debts adds up to over $1000.00 and that is a huge weight on my mind. If I can swing everything until late January and my taxes come in time in February I just might be able to save myself a little bit. Sometime this year I want to move into a nicer place and a better neighborhood, the place I live now is slowly going to the dumps and honestly I hate living by the governments rules in a place that is not mine yet I am still responsible for it and they can tell me how to live and what I can and cannot do or have in my life, while I live in their apartments. I want this new home of mine that I want so badly, to have my name on it either as mine or a co signed deal and I have some rights and say over it and I can be free to do and be as I will and as I please in my own home. This is what I want to see happen this year for me. I will find a way and I have plenty of will, I just need to find a more concrete  and reliable way to help make it happen. I have a few side jobs floating me along and I am "Self Employed" but its only making me a dollar or two enough to get me by. Jobs in my county are very scarce. There is also the set back that I am visually impaired to where I cannot obtain a driver's license and that is sometimes a challenge. Public transport is sometimes not very accommodating and they charge ridiculous fees to get you point A to point B. Even magical practice, working a spell and fixing a charm, asking for divine assistance will not always fix everything and will only get you so far. Even I am not fool enough to believe that The God and Goddess will always favor me on just anything and will only assist me if they believe it will be best for me as a whole. Cash cannot be conjured from thin air on a whim and Goddess knows if that were possible we would have no worries! One thing I can do for myself right now is set up a massive Unblocking Spell and maybe add some Reversal and Banishment elements to it, to try and ease some of my worries and issues on every aspect of my current situations and ask and petition that some of them be removed and dynamited out of my way so I can move forward and achieve better things.    I hope everyone has a great New Year holiday and Blessed Be to all! 

A New Moon on New Year's Night!

Upon checking my calendar, I saw there is in fact going to be a New Moon on New Year's night, in the astrological sign of Capricorn. The year starts with a whopping 5 planets in Capricorn, so yes we steadfast achievers and workaholics will have a lot of chutzpah to start the year with. Hopefully yours truly here ,born Jan 18th, will have a great start to the New Year and something worth celebrating in someway or another. What I see as most important right now is that Venus the Love planet will be in retrograde until January 31st. Matters of love may not be so wonderful and this will be a time to scrutinize current relationships, and hash over relationship issues from the past and take a strong look at the relationships that we are currently in, to see whether or not things will make the cut. Some of us might even decide to back off a current relationship or go back to a previous one to see if there's still a reason or two to keep it alive or just throw dirt on it and walk away from it. I say don't go looking at the past, there is a reason that a past love is no longer with you and there is no reason to go back and reconsider or sit there and wonder what if. The past does not belong in the present or the future unless there is something to learn from it, otherwise, let it go and move forward. Also, don't take things from a past relationship and try to apply it to a current one, as in making comparisons, however if you see a pattern forming in this relationship that is similar from the last relationship, it might be time to make some serious changes. Love is on the back burner this month, or at the very least, given a careful and cautious eye, this is not a time to be a fool and rush into a new love interest, it might backfire in our faces. For those of us that are in a relationship now is a good time to work out some knots and go over things with a fine tooth comb, weeding out undesirable behaviors and patterns in order to make room for better and more fulfilling habits and create stronger bonds that are built to last.  It's a wonderful time to start the new year by getting rid of baggage and problems of all kinds that are possibly still plaguing us as this year comes to  a end. It is a time to begin something special on those New Year's resolutions lists we all have. Mine is to end these problematic financial issues of mine and begin a new job, and to find a way to increase my financial status. I guess the other issues concerning my lack of a long term commitment are just going to have to take a back seat and I have to be uncharacteristically patient and wait it out some more, isn't like I haven't done more than enough of that so a little while longer surely won't hurt anything?  Sometimes you have to put aside something you really truly want, in order to have other things you also need just as much. Tomorrow I have to babysit, it's a few dollars I earn during the week. so I am going to cut this page a bit short so I can finish the rest of my work around the house before the baby comes in the morning. Blessed Be everyone!

Full Moon December 17, 2013

Tonight is the Full Moon and I am done with my work, I charged up all of my charm bags and my scrying mirror, crystal ball, pendulum, and wand were set out in the moonlight to get a power boost. This action was rewarded by the warm, tingly, acutely aware sensation indicating to me that this was a approved upon gesture by whomever Spirit(s) was my audience. Signs of spiritual manifestation sometimes include physical sensations such as tingling, hot/cool flashes, a heightened spike of sensory awareness and you feel like you are jolted wide awake. It starts at the top of my head and shoots down my back and through my arms and slips down towards my feet.  I got to see the moon rise smack center in line with my altar table and everything was bathed in strong light this time. Usually the moon rises farther off in the sky and the light slants off to the right side of my table and I have to take items outside to get a good beam of light to shine on anything. I also laid out my Avon sales brochures that are current on my altar and asked for those to be blessed, in the hopes that I have some sales pretty soon. I am self employed, I have my hands and brain in a lot of little side jobs , along with being a aspiring independent author, and working on some online ideas, going back into Avon sales again is actually a old standby for me as I have sold their products on and off for three years now. I am hoping tomorrow their customer service sector will finally allow me to open up my online store site and I can get some orders in place, due to the holidays coming and some changes in their systems they now make us wait 5 business days before opening a new online account and this is very annoying! We cannot place orders for 5 whole days and this sets us seriously behind on our selling schedules! What if we had a pile of orders to get placed and couldn't register online? That is 5 days of waiting to get our work done unless you want to place orders over the phone and I assure you that is the most tedious and time consuming process ever and it is easy to get orders messed up that way. If the weather permits, tomorrow I am going out to distribute my few catalogs door to door in town and around the neighborhood.

   Now onto other witchy subjects. I have discovered my kitten can see things in my house, that to we humans are usually invisible, as his attention has been noticed to focus on a spot in a room and he will watch intently for a little while and act as if whatever or whomever is there is acutely interesting, I cannot see or feel it or them but he does. His pupils dilate and his ears perk straight out and he gets really still, and I have watched him chase his invisible "prey" through the house and go insane trying to catch it, his tail fluffed out and back arched like he is trying to attack it. He meows constantly trying to get someone to notice. Smokey is a vocal type and he makes his voice heard very loudly and insistently until you pay him attention.  I will get him a pentacle charm and a collar when he is big enough to actually wear it without it falling off or becoming tangled in something, he is only 10 weeks old and is still gangly and slender. Tonight I am going to make a bracelet designed to draw money and business to me, it will have Malachite and Tiger Eye gemstone chips and various little charms representing wealth and prosperity. I might make it a mini charm bag on a bracelet. I will post a picture on here when  finish it.  for now , I'm having to go because i need to get to bed, here it is 11:45pm. Goodnight and Blessed Be!

Friday 13th 2013

Today is Friday December 13, 2013. So for you all that are superstitious I say take your cautionary anti bad luck measures. However, for many of us that see the number 13 as a auspicious and perhaps magickal number, Friday the 13th and Friday in general is a good time for love spells. you can also do money spells, and protection spells and it is also 4 days until the Full Moon so many of us Pagans will be focusing on whatever working or spell we will be working on this weekend. The winter solstice is also coming and we will be doing something to prepare for that event too. I will be stringing up my Yule decorations, putting up the tree, and wrapping gifts and setting up a small table for candles and décor. As for me, I might be working on a small healing and blessing spell this weekend, for my horrendous cold I have right now. It's on the verge of becoming the flu and the only reason I am sitting here typing is mostly because I cannot sleep due to the persistent clogging of my swollen sinuses. I woke up this morning and my cheekbones, under my eyes, and nose were noticeably puffy and my face was itchy and dry. The worst part for me is how it makes me worn out tired and I can't really concentrate on anything and I don't want to eat. Most of what I have done for the last few days is sleep and stay hydrated and make myself eat food I cannot taste or smell right. Even us magically inclined folk become ill and are not immune to physical ailments from time to time, although I have to say it is a rare occasion for me to come down with anything. (Knock on wood three times!) I will be lighting light blue and white candles for healing and cleansing, and doing a Ritual Cleansing of my house today as soon as I get the cold/ flu medicine flowing in my system, and brewing up some more Echinacea tea spiked with strong liquor, honey and lemon. The herb in the tea and the combination of all the ingredients steeped together, is just a simple recipe I have used for years and it works wonderful on colds, flu symptoms and similar illness. I will not argue with the Grandmother women about their folk medicine, they probably know more about healing than your college educated modern doctors any day of the week! Goddess knows a nice shot of good alcohol will open you up, by dilating the circulatory systems and flush out the germs and lower a fever. Echinacea works awesome when steeped in alcohol based fluid, it extracts the medicinal properties a lot faster than just boiling it in hot water. Honey and lemon is soothing for the throat and coughing, lemon and citrus juice contains needed vitamin C, and honey has microbial properties if it is pure unprocessed honey taken straight from a hive. Store bought honey is fine, but "raw" honey that is not strained much and has bits of honeycomb is the best stuff , it even tastes better, and you are supporting your local bee keeper that has his or her own hives by paying a bit more for a jar of the honey they took the time to harvest.   I'm sorry this is going to be a short post, but I will be back as soon as I feel a lot better. *Blessed Be*

December 1,2013 New Moon work.

On the New Moon that just passed us,  I repeated the Seal Up Your Problems Jar Spell, that I posted about before, as that spell was a success, it achieved the particular goal I had in mind, taking about two weeks to bring a result. So I figured let's try it again with a different scenario and see what happens.  I repeated the entire process and used a list of different scenarios and circumstances that I want to see removed and gotten rid of.  One part of it has already seen a manifestation just as I asked, at a record time of 4 days later, so let us see what else comes along! Seriously, if the rest of the inscriptions on the paper falls into place I shall be one happy witch!

Onto other matters, I am now the proud mother figure to a new black, male kitten named"Smokey" who was a stray and was about to go to the shelter. We all know what happens to black cats in the shelter and I couldn't have that. He is a hyper, rambunctious, loudly meowing ball of fluff. starting this week I will be working  on the usual  Financial Aide, and Love Enhancing work , I anoint and charge up my bags and set up candles. I got lucky yesterday and found a $20.00 bill laying in the street, it was just laying there right in middle of the sidewalk and if I had not left the store to go home right then I would not have found it at all.  Sometime today I will be seeing a Avon Recruiter, to start up my Avon cosmetics business again, I used to sell Avon back in 2012 and in 2010. I have been in a good mood since yesterday, plenty of good things have happened and I have seen the partial removal of some barriers and problems that have taken forever to budge. they are not entirely over yet, that wont happen for at least another month but moving in the right direction now  and things are changing as they should be.   This is going to be a short post, I have 20 things to work on at once and it seems I start something and get distracted and forget what I am doing and abandon it! The Solitary Shadow's work is never done!