Hello everyone and Bright Blessings! I finally have all of my things moved in, organized and situated, and we are now trying to resettle our lives into a new home and a new community. I put off doing any spell work until the Friday night before the Full Moon, the Full moon for July is July 2-3, 2015. My daughter Jasmin will be coming in to spend her summer vacation with me around that time as well and I have to make preparations for her too.
I have had a slight dilemma with how to set up the altar table in my bedroom, the directional positions in my room that correspond with the rising an setting of the sun and moon and the four cardinal directions are slightly off and I am having to improvise. My only window is facing North, when traditional altar tables are supposed to face East. I have to put the altar table against the North facing window because if I try to burn incense or candles on the eastern wall of my room, and without a cracked window then the smoke alarm in my bedroom will go off and I cannot have that. The smoke alarm just has to be wired in and attached to the East side of my room!! I suppose that so long as the tools that are being used on the actual table are placed in the right sections of the table and are facing the right directions then I guess that will just have to work until I can find another way to fix it. On the upside I have a fantastic view of the sun and moon rise and a very clear view of how to track the position of the sun and moon and a few stars. When the Full Moon rises and goes across the sky I will have moonlight bathing my room for the entire night and my tools, crystals, spell bags, spell jars, and divination items will get a fantastic lunar charging. This also makes a great backdrop to use for divination with water and crystals and mirrors during Full Moons because the moonlight will illuminate the tools and the entire table space for a long period of time. This coming Friday the 26th of June I have to redo the money spell and other attraction spells as it is the Friday before the Full Moon.
While I am happy I now have a new home and I live in a different community, there is something that weighs heavy on me, in that I have had to leave behind someone very close and meaningful to me and it seems as if that might be a permanent change for the both of us and it does not make me remotely happy. It's actually quite depressing and I feel a heavy and deep sorrow. Part of me really feels like that it is unfairly wrong that I am here without them, that they should be here with me, that somehow me leaving them behind is something that should not have to be and I have somehow made some mistake that I cannot or will not get a chance to go back and correct or change? What if I have irreversibly harmed and permanently destroyed my relationship with someone by doing something that was better for me? It very much seems to be, that every time I let myself be attached to someone for any reason, it inevitably happens that I end up having to leave them, or I am left behind, or something just happens to the relationship itself and it falls apart or slowly disintegrates and me or them ends up drifting away, or something dramatic and catastrophic happens and it violently explodes apart in a thousand non-repairable pieces.
I know that Goddess and God and all Higher Powers have their reasons for this and it is somehow in mine or their best interests but that doesn't mean it makes me feel better inside myself about my seemingly cursed inability to have and keep people in my life that actually mean something to me and I have strong feelings for. That maybe in the end, my feelings, thoughts and desires never really mattered to begin with, it's what's best for the Higher Purpose and the Higher Good of all of us, and my personal feelings mean very little towards the final outcome. Sometimes no matter how strongly or deeply you love or care about someone or something, it is still not good for you even if you don't always see how or why,and circumstances will come about to correct or change that to be in your best interest and Higher Powers will see to it that everything happens as it should. Your personal feelings sometimes really do not matter and will not change the outcome. It may hurt, make you deeply sorrowful or depressed, or make you feel deep anger and bitterness at the seeming unfairness of it all, but changes beyond your control will happen in the way it should and how it should given time. Sometimes you see or find out something down the road to make you see why it was the change happened when it did, and later you understand a lot more about why.
On my way to the store today, I saw a solitary crow, and oddly it reminds me of the same crow that used to live at the other apartment, in how it called out at me as it saw me walking and it flew by above my head, and it was usually the only one I ever saw and heard. I looked around again because I heard it and it was sitting on top of a light post and I am pretty sure it was watching me walk upstairs to my home. One morning during this past week, during my moving, I woke up early in the morning hearing a crow calling outside my window, which is on the top level of my building, it had sounded like it was really close to my window, maybe even perched on the outside of it. But at that time I was not awake enough to tell if I was hearing things or not and I went back to sleep, but now I know I was not hearing things! I recalled then ho it was that recently I had been having a thought cross my mind about the crow that lives at my old apartment complex and I was wondering to myself if crows will follow people they know to other areas? I would not be very surprised if I somehow discovered that the crow I saw today is the same exact one from the other apartment complex and it has in fact followed me here. Some people would think that is creepy or disturbing, but I would find it comforting, to know that at least someone wanted to be with me so much that it followed me to a new home, so it could watch over me and call out to say hello. Perhaps if it is the same one, then it brings a sign of something to come also, that soon a piece of the life I just left behind will soon follow?
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