I am not a overly superstitious person, I dont get paranoid of the thought of being hexed, jinxed, cursed and what have you because there is usually a cure for even the most stubborn of those types of negativity and Black Arts. But even I am looking at things with a wary and questioning eye this week. see.. this is the first time ever in my life I have had to miss a entire week of work and no pay at all for next week. First, my house was broke into on Monday and someone sneaked into my wallet and stole money from it while I was gone taking my kids 5 minutes up the road to their sitter, I ended up out because of trying to sort out that mess..then..my daughter goes home and I took two planned personal days for that. I intended on returning to work today, or so I thought until I got up this morning, lo and behold today comes and I wake up..,with a infection threatening to abscess in my already broken wisdom tooth, I cant go to work in a USDA inspected chicken plant with a nasty infection ..so I'm out today, and going to dentist tomorrow for a extraction, possibly two. my paycheck this time around is basically gone due to other bills and now the dentist appointment.
Earlier this morning I was in bed taking a nap.. I had a dream about being wrapped up in a big snake trying to constrict me, it had ahold of my ribs and my left arm and I could hear someone shouting about they had to hurry and get it off of me. A lot of dream dictionaries will say that snakes in a dream either symbolize positive healing and fertility aspects, or negatively, a danger or problem that has not come around yet in form of a bad circumstance or people, Perhaps there is a proverbial snake in the grass so to speak. Its possible I was already meant to miss a whole week of work.. there might be something wrong at the workplace I am somehow being protected from, or perhaps , more realistically in my mind, I have somehow come to be casted upon a nasty hex or jinx upon either by my own fault or of someone or something else that has decided to be mean and evil that has caused a shit ton of problems for me this week and resulting in a large financial loss and a host of other mishaps and problems I am scrambling to set to rights. Me actually missing a entire week of work is something alien and foreign to me, I cannot ever recall actually missing that much of work in one space of time.
When I took up my pendulum and asked specifically if I was meant to not be at work, the answer was a "yes", however it will not give a positive or negative response as to why exactly. I have not yet done a tarot reading for myself to ask the question to be answered in a more detailed manner. What I am thinking about doing, is making a reversal candle spell today and lighting it tonight and see what will happen as to whether or not I can manage to undo or reverse what is plaguing my life at the moment. Today is exactly 7 days until the New Moon on September 5th, so actually it is a good time to release and banish negative circumstances and possible negative people and entities from my life. This week I have missed at work, and all the other things that have happened this week, maybe just a sign of what I should be doing for this next week until the New moon, then I can create another spell to begin positive changes to make up for the bad week. I suppose this might be a lesson I was meant to learn about what can happen when one kind of neglects their usual preventative and reinforcement of spell work and rituals. And as you will read below.. what can happen when a magickal disaster occurs..
One more bad thing I need to mention. This might well have been the catalyst for setting off this week to start with! The week before.. exactly 10 days ago..I changed my bed sheets and threw them in the washer.. and somehow my green money drawing mojo bag that I made myself and have used faithfully for two years, got washed in the washer with the sheets. All the contents inside it got washed with detergent and fabric softener. the hard roots, stones, and other hard items were not damaged, But It basically got two years worth of magickal energy and spells, oil anointments, money drawing powder and magnetic lodestone food, and other fine ingredients, and my personal energy washed out of it and everything I have ever done with it and used it for basically went down the drain. How on earth it even was in my bedding to start with I will never know but I was flabbergasted when I pulled stuff out of the wash and there it was in bottom of the tub. I wanted to cry my eyes out believing I had lost a valuable and much loved personal item. I am seriously hoping that since I left it in the sun to dry out and nothing is damaged that there is a possible way to save and recharge everything that I have kept inside it and add some new, fresh ingredients, and restore it back to working like I had it before. I do not want to have to replace a expensive set of ingredients like the ones that were originally inside the bag. Im sure I have at least $80.00 worth of materials stuffed inside it and I also sewed, embroidered, and beaded the bag myself. Another idea I thought about when I discovered it had been washed is perhaps it maybe had needed to be cleansed of whatever residue might have contaminated it but never would I have even dreamed of throwing it in the washer on purpose like that, so that was a very bad freak accident and the problems that have ensued after that seem to match up with the incident. My hard work and long effort and religiously repeated and reinforced spellwork got washed down the drain and my good luck, financial aide, and money drawing success went with it! Now if that is not a possible sign of being possibly hexed, jinxed, cursed, or hoodooed I don't know what is! I am still puzzled about how it even got in the washer to start with because I don't remember ever having it in my bedding for any reason that since isn't where it is usually put up to start with. I will probably never know. But if by chance I manage to undo this disaster I will assuredly never allow it to happen again and by all of my known human power I will not be going through this kind of financial disaster again if I can avoid or prevent it.
To all my readers, Blessed Be and have a Merry Day!
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Releasing the Darkness
This has not been a good week for me. I have taken most of the week off from my regular job, my youngest daughter is flying back to Maine in the morning, going back home to her father, until next June. I have partial custody of our child and I only get summer breaks with her. what little time I get just isn't enough and I spent most of what was supposed to be our time together as mother and child, having to work and allowing my male best friend to keep her while I was working. To say I am severely depressed is a understatement. I feel like I'm about to attend a funeral. My bosses are probably not happy with me not being at work but I will not miss the last day my child is here for anything on this earth, especially not a chicken factory. she is my beautiful flower, and for me Spring will not come again until June, and Winter begins in September in my world, after she goes home. In my life, there is no real joy or blissful happiness towards too much or towards anyone until I see her again, the times that she is not here, the days blur together into a grey and blackened hued torturously drawn out space of time where its the same act of pretending I give a damn about living, but just a different day of the week. for 36 weeks from today.. I'm going to eat because my body demands it, work because I need to pay bills, take care of my oldest son because I'm his only parent and provider I love him fiercely he is my firstborn and he is a fine son, but I admit guilt at the fact I have a special place in myself for my precious daughter., I'll take care of the house and chores because I hate a dirty house, but other than that..I could care less. I'll just be "living" on autopilot until June. No, this act of trying to be semi alive is not healthy or normal for anyone. I would not advise it as a lifestyle choice to anyone else.
Another thing which lays heavy and bitterly dark on my mind is the possibility that I will end up no longer being "best friends" with the person I have a strong romantic interest in, he is the above mentioned babysitter to my children and we have been friends ever since I have lived here in my apartment, about two years now. Our issues at the moment are mostly because of my frustration, doubts, insecurities, and general feeling of being horribly let down at his lack of romantic interest towards me and oh he just wants to be friends and "cant" give me anymore than that for who knows how long and he doesn't even want to bother trying. He has his reasons and what have you, thanks to a nasty break up and his life being ripped to bloody jagged pieces by his child's mother, but I say its long past time he got over some of this and started acting like he is alive and he has blood in his brain , heart, and body, instead of lead. And open his eyes, ears, and soul to what and whom has been standing right in front of him for months! After three years of being single and alone I finally lay eyes on a man I believe is a strongly suitable compatible match with me and oh this is what I get for all my efforts at trying so hard to be a great friend and show all the love and support I can think to give both emotionally and otherwise? Perhaps I am just being stupid in believing I just might get that one thing my heart yearns for most and I am just a fool to even try to have that in my life anymore! I am disgusted, let down, frustrated, angry, and slightly broken hearted. he knows how this makes me feel inside, and only thing he tries to do or offer me back in return is still attempting to be my best friend.. and hoping it will be good enough for now. It would not matter if he just might have the same feelings and desires for me, he is not going to bother with being a more self assured man and finally acting on any of it. He's going to keep that brick and steel wall of his heart sealed off like a fortress until he is ready to give it, and I am standing outside that wall basically beating my fists and shouting laments of love in vain. I've strongly considered just breaking off everything. That dark, bitter, morbid depressive, manic self destructive, part of my mind whispers its poisonous ideas to me that he is never going to be the man that I need him to be in all the ways I need and I should just get rid of him and be done with it all, to stop wasting what I'm freely and sincerely giving on someone that will possibly not ever reciprocate it in the same ways and ideals. and then again, the hopeful, yearning , needful part of me, which sometimes I tell myself I do not need this part of myself anymore that I am strong and independent of anyone and anything I might "need" , tells me that I need to hold on a bit longer, give some more love, support, and patience, and just possibly what I'm trying so hard to give and get across to him will eventually blossom into something wonderful and fulfilling with time. Maybe in releasing my own darkness..i am creating a path for lighter and brighter things for both myself and him and mine and his family and our lives? That, in finally relearning how to love and trust and open up and allow myself to love and trust and have needs and desires for someone else that I know needs me.. I might finally heal some deep wounds and maybe heal his too? Only time will tell, but how long will it be? How much patience and inner strength do I have to put into this frustrating obstacle called his broken heart and soul? I wish Goddess herself would throw a brick onto his head and knock some sense into him! I'm sorry to all my readers that are reading this and probably thinking I'm losing my cool and my nerves, normally I am strong minded and grounded and calmly centered but here lately these things and plenty other else has me hot and fuming and yanking at the chains binding the wolf inside. Blessed Be to All and please have a wonderful day!
Another thing which lays heavy and bitterly dark on my mind is the possibility that I will end up no longer being "best friends" with the person I have a strong romantic interest in, he is the above mentioned babysitter to my children and we have been friends ever since I have lived here in my apartment, about two years now. Our issues at the moment are mostly because of my frustration, doubts, insecurities, and general feeling of being horribly let down at his lack of romantic interest towards me and oh he just wants to be friends and "cant" give me anymore than that for who knows how long and he doesn't even want to bother trying. He has his reasons and what have you, thanks to a nasty break up and his life being ripped to bloody jagged pieces by his child's mother, but I say its long past time he got over some of this and started acting like he is alive and he has blood in his brain , heart, and body, instead of lead. And open his eyes, ears, and soul to what and whom has been standing right in front of him for months! After three years of being single and alone I finally lay eyes on a man I believe is a strongly suitable compatible match with me and oh this is what I get for all my efforts at trying so hard to be a great friend and show all the love and support I can think to give both emotionally and otherwise? Perhaps I am just being stupid in believing I just might get that one thing my heart yearns for most and I am just a fool to even try to have that in my life anymore! I am disgusted, let down, frustrated, angry, and slightly broken hearted. he knows how this makes me feel inside, and only thing he tries to do or offer me back in return is still attempting to be my best friend.. and hoping it will be good enough for now. It would not matter if he just might have the same feelings and desires for me, he is not going to bother with being a more self assured man and finally acting on any of it. He's going to keep that brick and steel wall of his heart sealed off like a fortress until he is ready to give it, and I am standing outside that wall basically beating my fists and shouting laments of love in vain. I've strongly considered just breaking off everything. That dark, bitter, morbid depressive, manic self destructive, part of my mind whispers its poisonous ideas to me that he is never going to be the man that I need him to be in all the ways I need and I should just get rid of him and be done with it all, to stop wasting what I'm freely and sincerely giving on someone that will possibly not ever reciprocate it in the same ways and ideals. and then again, the hopeful, yearning , needful part of me, which sometimes I tell myself I do not need this part of myself anymore that I am strong and independent of anyone and anything I might "need" , tells me that I need to hold on a bit longer, give some more love, support, and patience, and just possibly what I'm trying so hard to give and get across to him will eventually blossom into something wonderful and fulfilling with time. Maybe in releasing my own darkness..i am creating a path for lighter and brighter things for both myself and him and mine and his family and our lives? That, in finally relearning how to love and trust and open up and allow myself to love and trust and have needs and desires for someone else that I know needs me.. I might finally heal some deep wounds and maybe heal his too? Only time will tell, but how long will it be? How much patience and inner strength do I have to put into this frustrating obstacle called his broken heart and soul? I wish Goddess herself would throw a brick onto his head and knock some sense into him! I'm sorry to all my readers that are reading this and probably thinking I'm losing my cool and my nerves, normally I am strong minded and grounded and calmly centered but here lately these things and plenty other else has me hot and fuming and yanking at the chains binding the wolf inside. Blessed Be to All and please have a wonderful day!
Saturday, August 10, 2013
My Most Read spell Book.
I have two books in my personal library, by the author Judika Illes, one is "The Elemental Encyclopedia of Witchcraft "http://rcm-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/cm?lt1=_blank&bc1=000000&IS1=1&bg1=FFFFFF&fc1=000000&lc1=0000FF&t=pagansamongus-20&o=1&p=8&l=as1&m=amazon&f=ifr&ref=tf_til&asins=0007192932 and the other is "The Elemental Encyclopedia of 5,000 Spells" http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0007164653/ref=as_li_tf_il?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0007164653&linkCode=as2&tag=pagansamongus-20"><img http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=0007164653&Format=_SL110_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=pagansamongus-20" http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=pagansamongus-20&l=as2&o=1&a=0007164653
I am so enamored with her works but I only have these two books and am eventually going to purchase the others in time. I have read the 5,000 spells book so many times that the pages are falling out and the spine is coming apart! The Encyclopedia of Witchcraft is a engrossing and very educational read as well, providing detailed references to Gods, Goddesses, Spirits, Tools of Witchcraft and their uses, I could go on and on about these two books and probably not cover it all because there is literally 887 pages in the witchcraft reference book and 1107 pages in the spell book and I still have not read every single page! I have tried and tested many of the spells and formulas for magical recipes found in the spell reference book and these two were the first "serious" books on witchcraft that I bought several years ago and I am happy that I did because I have yet to find a better source of information and educational reading than Ms. Illes and her volumes. I am very picky when I look for books like hers because I want the best that I can find that will give me the information and instruction that I need.
I regret to say that I have been somewhat neglecting my usual full moon/ dark moon rituals for over a month now. in fact I haven't done any spells or rituals or made any crafts or done anything"magical" for over a month. This new job I have is draining away all my free time. When you spend 8 hours a day in a 40 degree food processing factory, 40 hours a week, you don't want to use your hands for anything except opening a Tylenol bottle and holding a coffee cup! I've spent at least 10 weekends now just basically trying to catch up on house chores and sleep and spending a bit of quality time with my two kids, one of which will be going back to live with her father at end of this month. The Gods and goddess and all Spirits know how I love them and miss their presence at my altar table and casted circle but for the life of me I just have not had the time or energy to light a candle for them or make a offering or to even think of something I might want or need from them that requires a ritualistic invocation or petition. I know magic is not always something you physically do and invest time and effort into manifestation, but it makes me feel better inside knowing that I physically worked on something in my room to achieve a result. and I just haven't been doing that lately and that is I say I am neglecting my magical and spiritual work. I tell myself that as long as I am thinking in a magically inclined way that i am still trying to manifest something but in reality if you don't at last try when it matters to put in a effort physically then just thinking about it is not getting you very far.
The last magically inclined thing I done was two months ago.. when I started working at my current job, in my wallet is a spell paper directed towards keeping my job and obtaining my employers' favor so that I continue to keep my job. thus far I believe that its working but that paper needs a charge and a reaffirmation because I just recently got full time hired into the company. I also carry a small baggie that contains a miniature recreation of charms and ingredients of my larger green bag. So far that little bit of enhancement has served me well but by now I am sure its needing a boost because I basically charged it one time and set it to do its purpose and left it alone after that because now I am flat out too busy with the new job to actually attend to it like I probably should be. a pinch of new herbal powder and a dab of oil and setting a candle would probably be beneficial right now, and I also recently applied for a different line of credit and a personal loan from my bank and I am thinking I might need to ask for a bit of luck with that too. So this coming week will be dedicated to recharging my previous work I charged when I got my job, and asking for a special favor to help with the bank applications I just recently sent in. To all my readers, Blessed Be and I shall return as soon as I have these things set to rights to update you all on how that has or has not turned out.
I am so enamored with her works but I only have these two books and am eventually going to purchase the others in time. I have read the 5,000 spells book so many times that the pages are falling out and the spine is coming apart! The Encyclopedia of Witchcraft is a engrossing and very educational read as well, providing detailed references to Gods, Goddesses, Spirits, Tools of Witchcraft and their uses, I could go on and on about these two books and probably not cover it all because there is literally 887 pages in the witchcraft reference book and 1107 pages in the spell book and I still have not read every single page! I have tried and tested many of the spells and formulas for magical recipes found in the spell reference book and these two were the first "serious" books on witchcraft that I bought several years ago and I am happy that I did because I have yet to find a better source of information and educational reading than Ms. Illes and her volumes. I am very picky when I look for books like hers because I want the best that I can find that will give me the information and instruction that I need.
I regret to say that I have been somewhat neglecting my usual full moon/ dark moon rituals for over a month now. in fact I haven't done any spells or rituals or made any crafts or done anything"magical" for over a month. This new job I have is draining away all my free time. When you spend 8 hours a day in a 40 degree food processing factory, 40 hours a week, you don't want to use your hands for anything except opening a Tylenol bottle and holding a coffee cup! I've spent at least 10 weekends now just basically trying to catch up on house chores and sleep and spending a bit of quality time with my two kids, one of which will be going back to live with her father at end of this month. The Gods and goddess and all Spirits know how I love them and miss their presence at my altar table and casted circle but for the life of me I just have not had the time or energy to light a candle for them or make a offering or to even think of something I might want or need from them that requires a ritualistic invocation or petition. I know magic is not always something you physically do and invest time and effort into manifestation, but it makes me feel better inside knowing that I physically worked on something in my room to achieve a result. and I just haven't been doing that lately and that is I say I am neglecting my magical and spiritual work. I tell myself that as long as I am thinking in a magically inclined way that i am still trying to manifest something but in reality if you don't at last try when it matters to put in a effort physically then just thinking about it is not getting you very far.
The last magically inclined thing I done was two months ago.. when I started working at my current job, in my wallet is a spell paper directed towards keeping my job and obtaining my employers' favor so that I continue to keep my job. thus far I believe that its working but that paper needs a charge and a reaffirmation because I just recently got full time hired into the company. I also carry a small baggie that contains a miniature recreation of charms and ingredients of my larger green bag. So far that little bit of enhancement has served me well but by now I am sure its needing a boost because I basically charged it one time and set it to do its purpose and left it alone after that because now I am flat out too busy with the new job to actually attend to it like I probably should be. a pinch of new herbal powder and a dab of oil and setting a candle would probably be beneficial right now, and I also recently applied for a different line of credit and a personal loan from my bank and I am thinking I might need to ask for a bit of luck with that too. So this coming week will be dedicated to recharging my previous work I charged when I got my job, and asking for a special favor to help with the bank applications I just recently sent in. To all my readers, Blessed Be and I shall return as soon as I have these things set to rights to update you all on how that has or has not turned out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)