The most powerfully divine and intensely terrifying experience in the world, is to look at someone and you realize that you can see, feel, and experience in crystal clear clarity everything you are and everything you are not inside of them down to the near finest detail. You see the exact two way mirror of your own heart, soul,and mind, reflected back at you in every conceivable version of perfect and grossly and abhorrent imperfect way, in another living and breathing opposite sex version of you. Two things can come out of this and both can happen simultaneously over a given time, you either fall totally completely in love with them, or you hate them with a blackened and bitter passion that knows no limits. What you hate the most in them is what you hate about yourself, and what you love in them is also what you love about yourself.
You see the beauty of everything they are and all of their flaws like a exquisite diamond that has not been cut and polished.You both love and hate it with a deep and fierce passion and shocking intensity that permeates everything in your life that will not let you go and you cling to it like it's your saving grace.You embrace them with open arms and reject them with cold indifference, long with all of your heart and soul to hold onto them for eternity, yet you hold them at a remote and untouchable distance and unconsciously and purposely erect a barrier of "comfort" between you and them. One week you love them with everything you have,they are everything you could possibly want , need, and ask to have, in a person, the next week you wish you never laid eyes on them and they would just leave and you never see or talk to them again for the rest of your life. When you are in the same space and proximity as them you want to hold them tight and not let go, and then you force and will yourself to not touch them in any way even perceived as intimately or too closely and even go so far as be intentionally hurtful to push them away, because you don't trust yourself to prevent what might happen if you allow yourself to be closer to them than is necessary and you don't trust yourself to give any part of yourself in any way to them, and give for them even if that might be exactly what you both need and want. You hurt them and you hurt yourself, because you love them that much that you cannot stand the idea of possibly hurting them in any shape or form. you also hate how it is that they love you, because you see nothing worthy of value in yourself that they should want to love you to begin with.
You notice and find yourself having and experiencing synchronized and paralleled thoughts, actions, and circumstances that sometimes don't have a rational and practical explanation, you think of them, they call or text, you see them somewhere right when they cross your mind and you wish you could see them and suddenly they appear out of the blue, you think about something only to hear them say exactly what you were just thinking about in your own mind, you can sense and feel their emotions and moods as if they were yours, and occasionally they reflect your own emotions and feelings back to you that sometimes you are not aware of in yourself. You even sometimes have dreams of them that seem as if you are there with them and doing what they are doing and the clarity of the images are often very vivid and realistic in their projection and it sticks in your mind for days while you try to block it out and not even think of it, only to find yourself thinking of it anyways and trying to decipher the meanings of the messages.
In essence and reality you fall in love with, or paradoxically hate "yourself" and everything you are and are not and that scares the wits out of you and shakes you inside down to your core. You run and try desperately to hide and petrified of what they have the power to do to your mind and heart, how it is they make you think and feel, even if you do not want to or are not comfortable with it. It makes you angry, you snap and snarl, brood and fume at yourself, them, and everyone else. Yet you want and need them like air to breathe and water to drink, you find yourself pushing them away and then going back repeatedly because you are inexplicably drawn to them in ways you cannot explain or understand to yourself and others and how that anything about this madness could still be considered sane.
That kind of love and deep bond can either catapult you into the stratosphere of bliss or drag you into the deepest depths of agonizing torment. You despise it with a bitterness that eats at you in how it is that you even allow yourself to feel or acknowledge it to begin with, and then immerse yourself in blissful musings of just how perfect everything could be if it really were that way. One week you are drunk and high on the indescribable sense of completion of just being in their presence and then you are sucked into the deepest of black holes of misery when you cannot talk to or see them for days and then the unthinkable and unexpected happens that you have to be separated from them and you have to endure the possibility of having to live without them.
You tell yourself you will be "fine" and while trying to go on with your life and just live without them and any distance whether forced or circumstantially put between you and them feels like some kind of phantom pain that will not cease. Others look at you and feel and think you have lost your wits and sanity entirely, there is something bad wrong with you or they understand completely. it is eventually up to you and them, and what you and them decided to do or not do that determines the eventual outcome of the situation. You can feed your twin flame so it can burn as bright as you and both of you light the fires of the fantastic and beautiful love you were meant to share, or one or both of you can stand there and let the flames burn down and go out and never bother to relight it. But do not carry a flaming torch of self hate, negativity, doubt, fear, insecurity, and do not allow the flames of your own misery set forth a wildfire of destruction that will consume both of you into ash to where there is nothing left to rekindle.
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