Hello everyone and Bright Blessings! It's 3:14am here right now, and I sit here processing some deep and heavy thoughts and emotions yet again.. How was everyone's wild ride through this past eclipse? What happened for you and what did you experience? Mine was very intense, as I watched a dream that I had about two weeks ago unfold into reality. In this dream, I was trying to get a hold of someone, and I asked why they had not called or anything and their response was " I was with another woman" and the words I heard in their dream voice sounded so sad and regretful, as if they hated themselves for having to tell me this, and it was the very last thing they wanted to have to tell me at all.
Fast forward to Sunday. and it just happens to be this someone I have not heard from in months, that one person that I have missed like it is killing me, that I have waited for weeks and needed to see and talk to, needed to have close to me, and whom I am so sick inside over being forced to live without, who finally texts my phone..and some of the words on the screen were "Oh the reason I have not talked to you much is because I am kinda talking to someone" and " I am not with her, just talking."
My reaction to this bomb drop of information, and the realization that oh I have seen and heard this already..was a boiling and seething rage, and jealousy, possessiveness, a devastating sense of betrayal and loss, and a deep pain like someone had just stuck a serrated knife in my heart, lungs, and gut, and gave it a sharp twist. I actually felt sick and gagged and choked from from how strongly it hit me. Someone had just crossed a invisible line, and made a move and spoke a word in the totally wrong way. Someone else dared to see, speak to, and be near what I felt was "Mine" and was "talking to" someone I love and cherish with all of my heart and soul, and possibly going to take them away?
It was as if someone just thrust a rusty key in a old lock and pried it open, the wild thing that has been clawing, digging, and thrashing at me for weeks finally came undone from deep inside of me and I let it loose like a brutally tortured and taunted beast that had been kept in a cage for too long, and it was now finally freed, and roaring and snapping for blood.
Perhaps I may have let it loose too harshly, and I probably hurt and shocked the person on the other end of the screen I was texting with my volatile and out of nowhere reaction. I'm pretty sure they were not remotely prepared for the exact reaction that their the words would cause. and even if they were somewhat expecting it, I am sure the intensity of it all was a bit much to take and deal with. But I too finally came out with some of my own truths that they also probably already knew and understood, but they also finally needed to actually hear and see the words and feel the emotions connected to it about who, what and why, and about some things have happened between us and why I felt that way, and what helped to spur the action behind why I have done some things over the last few months.
There has been a heavy silence between us for a couple of days now, and probably for the best as the emotions are still raw and shredded up like freshly ground hamburger. The last two days I have felt very much like someone beat the tar out of me and I couldn't breathe right and my chest even hurt yesterday. I haven't ate or slept too much either, my emotions and other things that lay deep inside of me have been too deeply rattled to pay any mind to the physical needs.
This eclipse and the energy packed into it was raw, volatile, and fierce for me and probably just as much for them.. I am now questioning if one of the the other dreams I had, will also come to be? What actions and movement will now take place? What decisions will be made, and what other truths will be revealed now that we both have finally gone through a vital transformation and a crucial turning point? Sometimes, even when we are shown the truth, we still sometimes need to see further evidence and have it validated to actually believe and accept it. That dragon needs to be prodded just the right way, that button pushed way too hard for the last time, and that lock forcefully opened. Things have to change, energy needs to be unblocked and allowed to flow, movement has to be made, and sometimes it takes letting loose that which you hold on a chain, locked deep inside of you, and not be afraid to face it down in all of its glorious wrath, terrifying fury, and mesmerizing beauty. I am going to go for now..daylight comes and I need to start the next day..and see what comes..Blessed Be to all and I shall return soon.
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