Hi everyone and Bright Blessings Remember the post I made a couple weeks ago titled "Divine Irony"?? If you haven't read it then this post will not make a lot of sense, so I kindly suggest you please go back a few posts and read that one too. Today while scrolling down through my old Facebook posts, I found a post I made on August 20th, 2014, that ironically parallels and coincides yet again to the same and similar situation I and someone else are going through yet again.. with the exception that I was the one initiated the changes and situations this time around, instead of them.
This was what I was feeling and experiencing at that time period exactly a year ago...
I was " Feeling Incomplete" at that time as I had not heard from my friend in weeks, same as now, and the past status reads as follows...
""You miss someone that you love and care about with a fierce and unfulfilled longing that will not disappear no matter what you do to ease it and nothing you do or try to do will make it disappear. You can't talk to or see them anymore, you feel like a piece of you is missing without them, and someone took a huge chunk out of your life where they used to be, like you're missing a hand or some important part of you that should be there. You think too much about all the great things that was once there and all the things you shared with them and how close you once were, and now its gone. You can't go near their house without wishing you could go see them, can't leave your house and actually go anywhere that you usually go, because they were with you there at least once and it's like these places have some memory of them attached to it. Leaving the house to go anywhere else makes you feel like you are somehow leaving them behind and then you want to hurry and go back home because being away from them makes you feel like you shouldn't be anywhere else or spending time with anyone else and being too far away from them makes you have the strong urge to hurry and leave and go back home. And being around other people and trying to do anything with them just aggravates and annoys you.You can't sleep because all you think about is the 1001 things that somehow have their name and memory attached to it. You try to spend time with other people and do other things that have nothing to do with and have no connection or memory with said person and somehow they are still on your mind and you catch yourself talking about them or something and someone catches your attention and then you think of them. Other people are asking you about them, and mention the fact that you don't talk about them anymore ,and ask if you have you seen or talked to them? Your phone rings or beeps and you hope they are on the line, and you have to make yourself scroll past the contact to keep from dialing or texting them. And you wonder if they feel the same as you and if they might be doing exactly what you are and are not doing??""
And again this time around ..I find myself feeling incomplete.. not whole inside. I could write for days, weeks, maybe a month, about all the things I miss, every little tiny memory that flits into my mind, recall snippets and details that bring a pang of longing and bittersweet nostalgia, and I couldn't begin to scratch the surface. I know it does not serve well to dwell and wallow in such things. I am probably only torturing myself and over analyzing things a bit too much trying to find answers and something that makes clear sense. I have to work through this in order to get past it and move along with life. There is too many elusive and vague answers to a lot of questions and not having a concrete solid answer is not something I am comfortable or satisfied with. All I have heard for weeks since I moved is something along the lines of how much better my life will be without them and oh just as well since you are there and they are over yonder...really where and how it is even their place to project that negative idea? Good for you that you feel that way.Do you want a treat and a pat on the head now? Another thing that really gets under my skin about this is when I try to find someone to talk to about this. I hear something similar to "They remind me of so and so and that situation and how they acted and treated you." And go bring up something and someone from the past that happened 10-15 years ago.. Perhaps yes a person's attitude, actions and behaviors may seem and appear to be the reminiscent or very similar to someone else's, and the situation may resemble one from the very long ago past, but let me sound off a huge reality check...sorry if caps lock offends or seems a bit over the top but seriously I have had quite more than enough of hearing this because it is very offensive and degrading towards me and the other person on the other end of this situation and it's a ginormous load of horse shite.
THEY ARE NOT THAT PERSON!! THE SITUATION AND PEOPLE INVOLVED ARE NOT THE EXACT SAME!! I AM NOT THE PERSON FROM YEARS AGO AND NEITHER ARE THEY "JUST LIKE" OR REMOTELY SIMILAR TO THAT PERSON YOU SO FREELY COMPARE THEM TO!! THIS IS NOT THE PAST AND WE ARE NOT REPEATING IT! WHERE IS IT YOUR RIGHT AND PLACE TO COMPARE OR JUDGE?!! DID YOU ASCEND TO BIENG A HIGHER POWER RECENTLY?! GO LOOK IN YOUR OWN BLACKENED MIRROR AND LOOK VERY CLOSELY AT YOUR OWN NEGATIVE FAULTS AND SHORTCOMINGS THAT YOU SO QUICKLY WANT TO SEE AND PROJECT ONTO SOMEONE ELSE, AND WHY IT IS THAT YOU WANT TO GO BLAME AND JUDGE AND COMPARE THEM!! THE ONLY REAL REASON YOU EVEN WANT TO DO THAT IS BECAUSE THAT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER INSIDE ABOUT YOURSELF AND IT IS A DISTRACTION AND A EXCUSE TO BLOW OFF AND TAKE AWAY FROM YOUR MISERABLE ISSUES AND PROBLEMS THAT YOU ARE NOT READY TO FACE DOWN OR CHANGE IN YOURSELF!! GO LOOK AT YOUR OWN ISSUES REALLY DAMNED HARD AND SEE WHERE AND HOW AND WHY IT REMINDS YOU OF YOURSELF, AND GO WORK ON FIXING AND CLEARING THAT UP THAT FIRST!! THE ONLY REASON YOU DO NOT LIKE THEM AND HAVE TO COMPARE AND JUDGE AND BRING UP CERTAIN THINGS IS BECAUSE THEIR SUPPOSED NEGATIVE TRAITS REMINDS YOU TOO MUCH OF YOURSELF AND WHAT YOU HAVE AND HAVE NOT DONE AND HOW YOU DID AND DID NOT ACT OR BEHAVE! THE POT DOES NOT GET TO CALL THE CAULDRON BLACK AND NO THAT IS NOT REMOTELY ACCEPTABLE OR FINE WITH ME! WHEN IT COMES TO THIS ONE PERSON, DO NOT GO THERE WITH ME AND MIND YOUR WORDS VERY WELL IN WHAT YOU SAY AND INSINUATE ABOUT THIS PERSON BECAUSE IF YOU INSULT AND DEGRADE THEM THEN YOU DO THE SAME TO ME AND I WILL NOT TOLERATE IT ANYMORE!
Yes I (and a certain guardian spirit) felt a strong need to shout that because there are a ridiculous amount of shat flinging people that keep giving me this attitude and keep bringing up the same thing over and over and I am extremely fed up with it!! We don't live in the past anymore and those people and situations from the past do not exist or hold any relevance to the here and now. That is water and blood under the bridge let it go and leave it be!! My guardian is very irritated, annoyed and agitated and it is very hard to keep that part of me in line else something dangerous and out of line was to occur. It's like trying to keep a very thin leash on a thrashing and snapping behemoth and the leash is unraveling very quickly!! I am going to go now..sorry everyone this wasn't a very cheerful post. I shall endeavor to do better next one I promise. Bright Blessings and have a great day!
No comments:
Post a Comment