October 14, 2013

There is something brewing that will come to either a catastrophic end or a miraculous change soon. My friendship with my friend that we are already barely holding onto has possibly finally come to a end? A huge and harsh barrier has been forcibly erected between us that should never be there at all. There are people in the immediate circle of his life that would see me out of the picture permanently and have come up with the most outrageous and cruel reasoning yet.. religious difference. Oh yes, the age old Christian vs. Pagan war/debate that has waged for millennia is apparently still alive and well in some places and communities. I forgot I live smack in the middle of a Christian Baptist community. I have absolutely nothing against anything or anyone that follows the Christian faith, they can believe and worship as they see fit if that pleases them. In fact, I know several people that were originally Pagan or Christian that have converted to one path or the other. I myself was raised a Baptist, and decided that religion and lifestyle was not for me and I could not completely follow or believe in their religion so I decided to no longer follow or practice it. However I see no reason why I should have to tolerate or agree with the idea that two people cannot have a bond or relationship of any kind just for the simple fact that one is a opposite religious background than the other. I have felt like for awhile that a lot of people have not wanted me in his life, or perhaps he himself no longer wants me in his life?? And no one has yet found a viable or plausible excuse or reason as to why not exactly until very recently. What brought this current issue into being? Ok..so awhile back, when I first published my book to Amazon, I had ordered a proof copy for myself to review before I actually had the printed version placed for sale. That copy I gave to my friend and he has had it all this time all the way up until last Thursday. Someone was reading a few pages and saw the words "magickal application" and a few brief references as to what the future books were going to be about. And this sparked a raging inferno of anti witchcraft arguments which resulted in him being forced into telling me that I was no longer welcome or wanted on their property or inside their residence or anywhere near them at all. Apparently it does not matter what kind of person I am inside or what good deeds I have done or what sort of  life I live, my religious views and practice will ultimately lead me to bad ends in due time and I will eventually go to "hell" or whatever place it is that we bad apples go to when we die from living a life of sin and wickedness. A lot of ugly and savage words were supposedly said towards and about me that I was not told about, because he felt it was wrong and he was not going to tell me what was said, in order to protect my feelings and my image because no one had any right or reason to ever say it to begin with. I was left stunned and confused and wondering just exactly what was going on because all he could manage to get out was something about he had no idea the feelings ran that deep and the convictions would be that severe. Never, not once, has he told me that he loved me less for who and what I was and was not and he was never going to judge me, or put me down, or hold this over my head, yet he is being forced to do it anyways because of others' views and intolerances?  I have not yet heard exactly what he is thinking and feeling about all of this yet, he has not actually explained it fully to me, and I have not seen or talked to him since that day, if I were to make a smart assumption, and considering how upset and shocked he was that day, I am going to say for now, until I know otherwise, that he is silently disagreeing with all of this and trying to figure a way to either turn it around, or a way to continue being part of my life that does not disrupt his inner circle and their lives and cause him issues and troubles.

Or..it could be that this is a huge blown out of proportion strongly embellished lie and fabricated load of shit that was devised to get me out of his life for good, and in a way so that no one has to feel guilty or ashamed over it. Are they all really so foolish to think that will make it less harmful or painful for them? I care not what religion you believe or what culture you are from. If you do or think, or feel, or believe bad things and have less than moral behavior towards others then it will come back around and bite you hard on your arse and you will eventually feel guilt, shame, and remorse over it and things will happen to you that will justify and correct your actions and words in a manner that will befit what was originally said or done. Would he be part of my life all this time and just now begin show this is what he truly feels and believes? I seriously hope for his sake that is not the truth.